Värmland s survival guide for the world
by LimildaMedel
Summary: The title pretty much tell you what it is. Värmlans advice to survive three weeks with different nations.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

Since a time back I have complained about having nothing to do and I'm not allowed to be too close to humans so I was a bit lonely. I guess they all got tired of hearing me complain because they put me on a train to Germany. It was decided that I would spend three weeks with every nation (or almost every nation anyway). They probably thought that was going to quite my complaining.

Well, I guess it kind of did. At least for a while, I mean if I start complaining again they may send me away again. That would be fun. But beside that, I had learned a lot. Like how to survive this crazy world. And since I have finished that journey around the world I have a lot of free time on my hands. I will write down my advice on how to survive three weeks with each country, and hopefully you will find it useful.

/Värmland aka Linnéa Oxenstierna


	2. Surviving Germany

**How to survive three weeks with Germany (and Prussia) according to Värmland**

1. Germany´s office.

1.1 Never interrupt Germany in the office.

1.2 Prussia and Italy do it so often.

1.3 It´s more fun watching Germany's reaction when Prussia and Italy do it.

1.4 If you interrupt him he will be very angry. He won't have the same tolerance against you as he has with his brother and best friend.

2. How to handle Prussia.

2.1 Don't enter Prussia´s room (the basement) when he´s not there or the door is closed. You never know what you will find.

2.2 When Spain and France is there: STAY AWAY! You don't want to know what can happen. (I still have nightmares about it).

2.3 If you help him prank Germany he´ll give you some of his beer behind Germany´s back. (German beer is pretty good, but the only thing I can compare it to being the beer my brother makes).

2.4 Always agree every time he says he's awesome, it's no idée arguing with him about it. (Hungary has been doing it for centuries and it is not helping).

2.5 You better become friends with him because you will be spending more time with him then with Germany, since Germany is almost always working.

3. Kitchen rules

3.1 Don't touch the beer. You will get punished if Germany finds out.

3.2 Don't touch the pasta. If it is gone when Italy visits he´ll never stop crying.

3.3 If you use the kitchen clean up directly afterwards. Germany will freak out otherwise, he's a clean freak.

3.4 In general, keep away from the kitchen if you aren't asked to help with something. It's much easier.

4. Try to find things to do by yourself, your only company is Prussia most of the time and he can get annoying after a while. Germany isn't the funniest company either.

_If I remember more rules/advices I but them in later._

* * *

A/N: I think there is more things I could put in there but its late and I can't come up with any more to this right now.

I only wonder which nation I should do next. Have any idée's? I'd love to hear them.

Please review


	3. Surviving France

**How to survive three week with France (believe me, you WILL need it to survive) by Värmland**

1. Keep a distance between the two of you at all times.

1.1 You don't want to be a victim for his wandering hands.

1.2 He´s perverted. Do you need any more reasons to keep a distance?

2. While sleeping.

2.1 Don't sleep naked, it will only encourage him to be more perverted.

2.2 Lock the door and the window. It will hopefully keep him out.

3. The bathroom.

3.1 See rule nr. 2 to nr. 2.2. It applies here as well.

3.2 Don't even shower naked. It's better to do it whit cloths on. Who knows when he will show up. (you also don't know if he has put any cameras in there or not).

3.3 Try to get to the bathroom before him. He takes hours fixing his hair and who knows what else.

4. If someone visits

4.1 If its England: go to your room after greeting him , he and France will start a fight, that is guaranteed. Afterwards, give England some tea (he´ll need it to calm down).

4.2 If it's Prussia or Spain: Be careful, they **will** get drunk. And France will probably come back with a seduced girl. Advice: Take in on a hotel for the night if you want to be able to sleep.

4.3 If it's Italy: Relax, France will be too distracted to try anything.

4.4 If it's Canada (whoever that is): best scenario. He can give you a lot of advice; after all I hear he had to live with France for years.

4.5 If it's anyone else: I don't have any advice for you, but be careful.

5. The kitchen

5.1 He will not allow anyone in there since England tried to cook.

5.2 If you're lucky he´ll let you make some pancakes. (as long as you're not England).

5.3 You will have to eat French food during your stay (he refuses to cook anything else).

6. Other things.

6.1 Don't let him buy clothes for you, he´ll only buy things that you never want to wear (they are way too sexual).

6.2 Don't say 'yes' when he ask if want to eat out. He will make everyone around think it's a date and flirt with you.

6.3 Don't go out late. The open display of 'amour' in Paris is a little disturbing. (At least to me).

6.4 If France or someone else says something in French to you, say 'Je ne comprends pas'.

6.5 If something happens; the police station is on the other side of the road.

6.6 Also if it is to unbearably, England's number is written under the title 'mon petit lapin' he´ll save you.

* * *

A/N: I think this one turner out better than the first. It´s pretty funny to write.

If the French in this is wrong, I´m the one to blame. I used Google translate but I have been trying to learn French for four years.


	4. Surviving England

**How to survive three weeks with England by Värmland**

_After three weeks with France (or two and a half, I couldn't stand being there longer) it was an appreciated break to stay with England. But even here you may need some advice._

1. Food.

1.1 Don't eat his cooking. This rule shouldn't need an explanation.

1.1 For your own safely, you will have to do all the cooking.

1.2 Admittedly, English food is okay but England himself is just a bad cook. (I think it is caused by the fact that he is always stressed. No one can cook when they are stressed.)

1.3 If you find that he has cooked dinner for you both my only advice is to think positive. Like, 'at least the hospital is just down the road' and 'at least it's not some of Iceland´s traditional food. (He has some weird stuff.)

2. Fairies, unicorns and Flying Mint Bunny.

2.1 Flying Mint Bunny has a thing for waking people up in the morning so don't be surprised if you suddenly find yourself with a missing pillow, or being waked up by a bucket with water.

2.2 The fairies like playing prank on others from time to time, I advise you to stay away from them when they are in that mood. (It´s no fun being the victim for their pranks.)

2.3 England have a lot of work to do (he has to do Scotland's, Wales and Northern Irelands work as well as his own) and won't be home to often. In this case the fairies are excellent company,

2.4 Sometimes a unicorn might visit the house and he take a lot of room so be careful.

2.5 Don't make the unicorn angry, unless you want to get his horn through the heart.

2.6 And last 'I don't care if you think they are not real because they are.

3. 4 of July (if you just happen to have the misfortune to be there during this day).

3.1 Don't mention America.

3.2 Or anything related to him, especially the American war for independence.

3.3 Words like 'independence', 'hero' and 'Virginia' (or any other of the states) are best to be avoided.

3.4 Keep out of England's way and see to it that he has enough alcohol.

3.5 But see so that he doesn't kill himself (you can never know what kind of trouble he gotten himself in when he is drunk).

4. England´s magic.

4.1 Avoid the basement. (He has all kinds of dangerous magical stuff down there.)

4.2 If one of his spells goes wrong (which happens mare often then it should because of one reason or another) you will probably be forced to help him cleaning up whatever mess the spell has made.

4.3 As for the kins of messes, if I would write that down the list would be too long. I might make a list about that later. Maybe.

5. The storage room.

5.1 The storage room is on the second floor, in the end of the corridor in the right corner.

5.2 The room is of limits. England hates when people are looking through his old stuff.

End of list


End file.
